if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
