I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
