I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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