I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
