I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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