I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
