Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
