You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
