did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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