btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
