Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
