So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
