If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
only you would photoshop your dick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
