Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
