I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
White coat. Heels.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
