so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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