he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dick very happy bro
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
