JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
