so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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