You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
