mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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