Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
