Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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