Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
