Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
