I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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