none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize