My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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