I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
