eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
