:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
