nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
