Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
