let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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