yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
