doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
