Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
