I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize