i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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