tell your sister to shave her snatch
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
soo... how was my night?
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