i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
