I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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