my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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