Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
