Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I could make wine with my vomit
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
