Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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