she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
