Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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