I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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