I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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