You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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