Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
