this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
