Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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