I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My vagina just recognized that song.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
