You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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