a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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