I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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