I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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