he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
17 year olds will be the death of me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
