Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
