Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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