I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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