I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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