i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
