Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
