come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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