Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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