you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
