those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
