you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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