he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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