god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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