I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize