Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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